In the coaching process, different tools are used to make your unique form visible, access & understand your inner universe, and generate balance among your inner aspects (see mirror process). Which process tools are used at what time depends on your individual situation, current hurdles, preferences, and needs. We look in the mirror and ask: “What is needed?”
Unlike many other coaches and consultants, there is no standardization, “one program fits all”, or “the 12 things to become happy ever after.” While we humans share commonalities, each person is unique.
This individual embedding may distinguish my coaching from many other offerings. What arises within you points us to what we address and need. You can find a selection of process tools here. A key tool in my coaching is verbal transformation.
You can read about my personal journey and the development of these process tools in Being & Working:
Some tools help you to find your own truth and authenticity in a deeper way, making them more clearly felt. Others serve to express your truth clearly to the outside, to embody, and demonstrate who you are. Other tools help us create a balanced state, regulating the stress level in your inner universe. Analysis tools assist in understanding what causes this stress and where it originates. The results of the analysis can lead us into the realm of unconscious beliefs and convictions.
Some tools are designed to improve your ability to hold and regulate emerging feelings and thoughts, allowing us to understand their messages. Additional tools assist in the conscious choice and implementation of a mindset that serves your needs and goals. Others help establish and maintain focus.
Throughout my professional education and years of coaching people, I have utilized a large pool of tools. All have been tested, modified, and adjusted by myself. Naming them all would exceed the limits here. Below, you will find a selection of tools to give you an impression of what can be included in the coaching process. The basic tool is the Onion model, which helps us locate important and meaningful layers in the process.
Localization and focus tool: The Onion Model
My own onion model is comparable with the model of the Koshas in the yoga tradition. With the onion model we localize blockages and issues on the one hand, but also learn, which layer may need additional awareness. This is because the individual layers are interrelated and in constant exchange.
The core represents your origin (your true self, the seed). This core interacts with the next layer. If there are blockages on this layer, the transmission of “true self” to the next layer doesn´t take place (that´s the standard btw). The more blockages are present on the layers, the less of your true self will eventually pass through to the outer layer (your expression). Resulting in the experience of suffering. The more free this inner flow can circulate within you, the more your true self will shine through to the outside, meaning: You can express who and what you are. That would be – a more free life (Freieres Leben)! While we usually know our outer layers well (consciously), we´re very little aware of what is happening in the deeper inner layers (unconsciously). Very often this eludes our understanding. Sometimes we don´t even want to know (shadows).
Many undiscovered stories are stored in these layers – acting without us being aware of it.
Your individual process can point us to what is “up” at any given time. For example, if you long to speak yourself facing other people, that would be localized in your innermost being, your core. That you don’t do it would be an event on the outer layer. Because this is where you interact with the outside world. You could work on the outer layer by finding distinct sentences and by giving yourself a push. If it is only the fear of something new that holds you back, going to deeper layers may not be necessary at all.
However, if the cause of this difficulty lies in partially conscious beliefs, we could go to a deeper level. But if it were a deep-seated, unconscious shame causative for these difficulties, we might have to go to a much deeper layer, right beside the core of the onion.
The origin of shadow work is the Swiss psychiatrist C. G. Jung. He described the shadow as a personality part of every human being, which contains everything that contradicts our subjective self-image and the imagination of the world. Namely qualities, feelings, characteristics that we reject, condemn in ourselves (and other people). The shadows contain all that we do not want to be or see in ourselves and the world. As being said, contradictions of our (self-image) and also conditioned taboos or prohibitions.
According to Jung, the shadow also exists as archetype in the collective unconscious.
Every human being has shadow aspects! Every one of us has been acting like a jerk, hurting other people. Everyone has something about oneself that one rather wouldn´t be, feel or think.
A rejection of one’s own parts is a self-rejection. It causes blockages, walls and isolates these aspects from our inner universe. It takes an incredible amount of energy to keep this cellar door shut where we´ve been locking these aspects away. And – it prevents authentic self-expression (see Onion model).
In the mirror process of the inner universe, shadow work plays an important role. Those unwanted aspects, that have been condemned to silence want to be invited and integrated in a healthy way. A first step is to acknowledge (self-)rejection and then gently replace it with understanding and acceptance.
As we approach previously unseen topics and layers, things start to move. Thoughts, emotions and physical stress can arise. It is incredibly important to have tools to approach these movements. Many people shy away from change because they just don’t know how to dissipate the activation energy. After all, you didn’t get an instruction manual for that.
Depending on preferences and individual possibilities, different tools for regulation are discussed, offered and integrated, e.g.:
The cellular level of our system has to be taken in respect. As soon as regulation techniques are successfully applied and work, people describe an increase of self-efficacy, confidence and willingness to change.
In general, we people have a less conscious relationship with our own thoughts and emotions. They are part of our human experience, but we often forget that they can serve us if we understand them appropriately. Two extremes in the realm of thoughts and emotions are a constricting identification with these inner processes versus a lack of attention to the messages of our thoughts and emotions.
Learning to deal with thoughts and emotions means being able to regulate, channel, and use them purposefully for our inner universe. In the coaching process, we use different tools (some as audio exercises) to improve this skill. Some of them have been developed specifically for this purpose, for example:
Beliefs in the mirror process are more than just thoughts because a belief usually encapsulates and connects with emotions. The belief locks emotions away and thereby prevents us from feeling what has to be felt. This also causes an expression on a physical level (tension, uneasiness). A negative belief is a holistic blockage.
Staying tuned with yourself is a prerequisite for clarity and powerful decisions. If you succeed in keeping your focus on yourself, that’s a yes to the most important relationship of your life: the one with yourself. It is utopian to assume that you are always tuned in to yourself. This requires a lifetime of training. More crucial is finding a way to reconnect with yourself if you lose track. This ability is trained in the mirror process. Important questions in this context:
In this process, I can work as a translator for you. From my own experience, I can tell that we often unconsciously replicate things we don’t actually mean, represent, or believe ourselves. We just stopped questioning that.
Us humans are conditioned to assume the worst rather than the best. This often happens quite automatically. From my perspective, it’s about re-earning that the best outcome is an option. To do this, we do not have to exclude worst-case scenarios. It’s enough to adopt a form of objectivity: one may see the worst, the best, and a neutral outcome, and consider everything as possible. That’s how to use our brain wisely.
Mindset for me means getting out of an attitude automatism and returning to a conscious choice. As we start thinking that the best outcome may be possible for us, things change immediately. Our thoughts and energies flow in a different direction. This is the first step to conscious manifestation, and it starts by activating new neuronal pathways that haven’t been used ever before or for a very long time. However, this does not mean that we always get what we want. Sometimes what we want is not what is needed for our development.
But as we can visualize, smell, taste, and feel something, it starts to create an energetic shape. The energy is there. It is present—in our inner universe. According to the hermetic law “As inside, so outside”, the outside follows this shape—if it is meant to be. If we can really feel and sense a vision that our visualization is serving us and others, that it belongs to us—this is possible.
Sometimes visualizations are kind of abused—to cover something, to conceal, or to flee from the diversity of our inner universe (and thus ourselves). In these cases, mindset and visualization may not produce the results we hope for.
Mindset & visualization are tools in the coaching process based on my values & roots.
There had been painful losses in Alexander’s (38 yrs) family of origin. Since his father had become depressed in the face of these losses, Alexander endured a lot, disregarding his own feelings and needs. He had been there for his father and had stabilized the family system. When he first was in coaching with me, he was exhausted and full of anger about his father, who treated him in a devaluing way and never acknowledged Alexander’s commitment to the family. In addition, Alexander was simultaneously involved in a toxic couple relationship. Here he experienced exactly the same again (trigger).
During the coaching, we worked on deeper layers. An unseen and very strong grief had been waiting for release. Alexander had never had the opportunity to experience and mourn his loss. As he began to be there for himself, he gained the ability to change the burdened relationship with his father. He encountered him with more clarity, but also understanding. I haven’t heard from him for years.
When he got back in touch, he was in a healthy relationship, worked in a new, very intense job that also made him happy. His current problem was that he could not sleep and was tense. In the middle of the night, he woke up full of restlessness. He couldn’t even say why. There was nothing that particularly concerned him. During the day, he was disorganized and stressed. At work, he had difficulties in concentrating and was afraid of making mistakes. Alexander expressed that he hated this state because it made him feel insecure. He wanted to be fully present—especially in his new job, which he really liked.
As I listened to Alexander, the image of a neglected, black, and very aggressive dog appeared in front of my inner eye. He barked constantly and was fully alert—looking around in panic. This dog had the mission to be permanently on guard. I shared this imagination with Alexander.
He fell silent and suddenly became very still. Then he confirmed that it felt exactly like that.
I asked Alexander about the task and purpose of this dog. Alexander’s eyes turned wet, and he said: “He’s watching out for me.”
This moment marks the effect of verbal transformation. An image put into words initiated an inner reconciliation. A moment of healing. Alexander realized that this aspect was for him, trying to help him. He wanted to watch over him, make sure nothing happened to him. Alexander was able to let go of his anger and resistance toward this aspect and even realized that this watchdog was acting out of love for him. This fundamentally changed his attitude and relationship to his state (transformation).
We found that this aspect did exactly what Alexander had been wanting his father to do: take responsibility for him, pay attention to him, and watch out for him. This aspect was in Alexander! But Alexander rejected it at first. And the unseen watchdog had been out of control. In the past, Alexander had been responsible for the entire family. A new professional situation and the relationship had been reactivating the watchdog. Every movement and motion activated Alexander’s need for control. He felt on remote control. The watchdog couldn’t rest and then received beatings for it. So he was not only angry and panicking but also very sad.
For Alexander did not know how to calm down this watchdog. That’s why he directed his anger against this aspect, which was an inner part of himself and acted out of love and caretaking.
Our conversation touched Alexander deeply. The words about the watchdog helped him to recognize himself in this image; he could let go of his (self-)rejection and integrate this aspect into his inner universe, where it had been split off a long time ago. We found ways to establish contact and communication with the watchdog in a clear and loving way, leading to a new relationship with this aspect. We incorporated relaxation and regulation techniques that Alexander used to calm his watchdog down.
Emerging images and impressions are incorporated into the coaching – always as an offer – never as a fact. You have to feel and decide yourself if these imaginations are a fit. These are the most beautiful moments in my work – when words are given to me that generate such a loving transformation. When inner wars turn to inner peace. For this, I am very, very grateful.
Meditation and personal prayer were and are anchors for me. They help me to nourish neutrality on my side so I can truly work for people.
Not everyone is open to spirituality. I understand that. Careful awareness is required in this area since there are offerings where spirituality is used as a means for ego to evaluate and devaluate. Sometimes what is said and portrayed isn’t what actually happens. In the layers of energy, there is no horse trading possible! So, it is always important to check who you are being guided by and whether these people intend something for themselves (power, devotion, etc.).
There are also people who can and want to truly support you on this path. If they genuinely want to support you, they will leave you in your own circle of self-determination. They provide you with something you can apply and use for yourself. Real helping hands always allow you to work for yourself in your own way. They can leave you be. The symbol for this is a lying eight. Two circles: yours and that of the person who guides you. In contrast, a person with hidden intentions draws you into their sphere of influence. The person stands in your circle, tries to correct you, or imposes something specific on you. You kind of become an ego extension of that person. Then it is not a lying eight, but a shared circle that comprises both of you – your own circle is neglected or dissolved. If you lose your own circle, you lose yourself. Be aware.
I’ve learned my lessons and can only ask you to keep your hands off certain things. Feel encouraged to approach spiritual offerings with a healthy skepticism. Because the offers are made to you by people (see shadow sides). People commonly have intentions. Check these intentions and take enough time to do so. Always stay in your own connection to the source.
Every person has that! That is why there is no need for a guru, leader, or representative. God (or whatever name you choose) wants a personal relationship with each one of us. I am convinced of that. There are many ways to access this connection.
Spirituality in my coaching is integrated especially in the way of the lying eight precisely for this reason – your own connection and wisdom. You are on your way. If there is something you would like to include, feel free to reach out.
Bhakti Yoga (chanting mantras in Sanskrit) and devotion are part of my life. The mantras create vibrations. These vibrations are pure information that affect our deepest layers and outer shells. For me, the language of Sanskrit is an energetic expression of wisdom and truth, which words alone can never describe. A mantra can help, protect, heal, and create clarity – depending on which one we chant.
In this area, I have gained some experience over the last six years and can recommend supportive mantras for your individual situation upon request. You may practice yourself and experience the effect on your own system.
Currently, I am preparing a small online course in which I am compiling various mantras that I consider appropriate for the topic area of toxic relationships. These mantras are intended to balance the psychic energies that are out of balance due to toxic relationships (karma resolution, purification, protection, energetic reconnection, connectedness, and wisdom).
If you are interested in mantras, please have a look at the individual tools where you can read about the MANTRA COMPILATION – an individual creation for those interested. Below you will find an overview.
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