Overview
Doubts & fears - warning signs or guards of comfort zone?
There is no absolute certainty in life. What matters to us (= value) can “attract” and motivate us. At the same time something valuable can make us afraid. We might loose or miss, what´s important to us. As we try to achieve our goals and fulfill our longings, we push our own limits. Courageously we enter unknown territory, take risks. While doing so, fears and doubts will occur. That´s completely normal. A comfort zone is defined as well-known territory. We know what to do and how to act & react. Entering new territory potentially activates old feelings, beliefs, thoughts and fears. While we evolve & grow doubts & fears act like guards of the comfort zone. They alert us, as we enter unknown territory.
On the other hand doubts, fears and anxieties can also represent warning signs. They may indicate, that something doesn’t fit, we´re about to turn into the wrong direction or that adjustments & further preparation need to be done. Thus, fears & doubts can help us to check and reconsider important decisions & avoid failure or damage.
Even though fears & doubts are part of life, we oftentimes make a big effort to avoid feeling them. You don´t want to feel “bad” by choice, do you?
Just – if you avoid to acknowledge & feel doubts & fears, there´s no way to learn dealing with them. Avoiding or surpressing them can lead to helplessness, scarcity or even freeze whenever an obstacle or doubt occurs. It leaves us powerless, because we seem unable to move forward. Does that sound familiar?
freeze | nothing works anymore
I believe joyfulness to be a basic need of us human beings. In the last twelve years there was an innumerable amount of people, I accompanied on their pathways & walked mine as well. It can be said that fears & doubts are the most prominent antidotes of joy & happiness. And the most persistent blockage in achieving goals. Especially when doubts & fears are followed by paralysis – which means the onset of a freeze-response (context of stress reactions). Freezing immobilizes & blocks us. No option to act.
Fears & doubts are part of life. The will occur. Even if we don´t want to feel them, we have to face & learn to deal with them. Else paralysis will continue to rule our life and sabotage achieving goals.
Dealing with doubts & fears
Since fight, flight, fright & freeze are automatic responses, a strategy is needed to exit. Unfortunately, we were not equipped with an instruction manual for our inner universe when we were born. So we need to acquire a technique, that encompasses stress reduction, defusion (dis-identification) and acceptance. A MBCT-based technique seems appropriate for that.
After finding a tool that works for us, constant practice is key. Responses to doubts and fear mostly run automatic. They were learned and repeated again and again. Acquisition of a new technique needs our system to be able to learn something new. That means, a new technique has to be repeated over and over again until the new imprint can be recalled more easy from our neuronal network. Repetition creates an alternative blueprint.
The following steps are recommended:
1. Let doubts & fears surface while imagining a situation or challenge, that scares you
2. Surrender completely to arising thoughts & feelings. Welcome & accept all bodily sensations, without doing something with them
3. Hold on and simply acknowledge it (“Yes, it is like that; Yes, I feel that now;”)
4. Sit with doubts & fears, breathe and wait until your system adapts – at least 10 minutes
5. Don´t feed the phenomena, step back from catastrophizing, just observe & your system will adapt & calm down
Repeat this practice. If you adapt, you succeeded. By time you´ll start feeling more secure while experiencing fears & doubts. You don´t need to push them aside anymore & can switch to observation. You can stop avoid feeling them, because uncertainty fades. These five steps will equip you with a new tool to handle fears & doubts.
If you´re interested in having a private session with me, feel free to book a preliminary talk in my calendar:
On my german website Herzensheld (hero of the heart) you can find an article about learning to dance with uncertainty. You may visit the website and auto-translate the post:
Fogiveness & Understanding
If you stumble on this path: Don’t be too hard on yourself! Forgive yourself. Understand. Despite of all your practice, you probably won ‘t always succeed facing doubts & fears in a relaxed observing state. You can be perfect and a constant work in progress at the same time! Celebrate every incident, where you stay relaxed, focus on your goal, and step out of paralysis.
This article is meant to relax you, not to stress you additionally. Give your best, but don’t ask too much from yourself. Just keep going.
Additional video (german)
This video (german) points out consequences of persistent rumination and circling thoughts within toxic relationships. Solutions and exit doors included. You might use english subtitles for this video about staying out the maze of unanswered questions:
