Overview
Energy vampirism | What is it?
What is energy vampirism? I find the term itself problematic because it implies that someone can take our energy without our control. I believe we can always take action. This is precisely the focus of this article.
As in my previous posts, my intention is not to demonize, blame, or condemn anyone. This perspective stems not from ignorance, but because I view the victim-perpetrator mindset as unhealthy and unhelpful. Labeling someone a victim denies them the capacity to actively change their life circumstances. This approach benefits neither the individual experiencing challenges nor those who might exploit others’ energy out of a deeply felt emptiness or lack.
Regarding the topic: What occurs when we seem to lose energy to another person? This phenomenon can also be observed in an empath-narcissistic dynamic.
In every interpersonal interaction, there is an exchange of energy. We are energy. When we make contact, our energies flow toward one another. If someone requires your support, they can ask for it directly or you may choose to offer your help. This energy exchange is open and consensual, with no energy theft involved.
“Energy vampirism” operates on a covert level, often accompanied by systematic behaviors, either consciously or unconsciously. Certain motives, intentions, and drives may not be immediately apparent but exist on a subtle level parallel to the overt conversation.
When discussing your protection against energy vampirism, my intent is not to encourage being overly cautious, holding back your energy, or trying to control the exchange. Such an approach can be exhausting, fear-driven, and contradictory to the natural flow of our energetic connections. Instead, this article aims to enhance your awareness of potential hidden dynamics, allowing you to take a firm stance regarding them. Your clarity can facilitate a natural flow while also acknowledging any subtle energy manipulations from others.
Individuals who attempt to extract energy from others through various (conscious or unconscious) strategies often experience a profound lack in some aspect of their lives. This absence can arise from various origins. For many, including myself, the awareness of the abundance that resides within us may not yet be fully realized. Until then, we all possess the potential to be both energy thieves (seeking validation, attention, affection, love, etc.) and potential energy donors for those who seek to extract energy. Judging ourselves or others for these behaviors is not beneficial. The experience of lack persists in our minds, and that is perfectly acceptable. In fact, it’s wonderful! By becoming aware of these thoughts, we can view them as a motivational force — a call to action toward discovering our own abundance and manifesting our true desires.
This article is designed to help you recognize and understand the strategies employed by energy vampirism. Often, these strategies are so subtle that they evade logical reasoning. Energy vampirism often lurks beneath the surface. I would like to explore this phenomenon with you, analyze it, and understand it better.
Energy predators often exploit specific vulnerabilities within the energetic systems of others, such as confusion, fear, insecurity, self-rejection, and hopelessness. Their communication often aims to create a power imbalance or induce fear and confusion, whether consciously or unconsciously.
This dynamic can activate numerous overwhelming feelings that complicate our ability to perceive clearly and analyze situations afterward. At times, we may struggle to even articulate what occurred initially.
Our inner clarity seems to vanish: we feel confused, powerless, exhausted, restless, or frightened — often without a clear understanding of why.
To illustrate the strategies employed by energy thieves, I have chosen three scenes from the film The Lord of the Rings. I will summarize how the protagonists addressed the energy thief in each scene, concluding with what led to success and what did not. Storytelling provides us with vivid images that we can apply to our daily lives.
At the end of the article, you will also find a summary of 5 possible signs of energy vampirism along with tips on how to respond.
The Stories of Saruman and Grima wormtongue | An excursus into Energy Vampirism
Let’s dive into three specific scenes from the film adaptation of J.R.R. Tolkien’s trilogy Lord of the Rings. In these scenes, Tolkien presents a character who serves as a strong example of what I name energy vampirism. Through these scenes, we observe Gríma Wormtongue, the advisor to King Théoden of Rohan.
Gríma serves as both a spy and an energy-draining ally of Saruman the Wizard, who has allied with the dark ruler Sauron. Gríma’s whispers, which support the dark agenda of expanding Mordor and weakening its opponents, contribute to the diminishment of King Théoden’s vitality and power. Théoden becomes merely a puppet under Saruman’s influence, a mere shadow of his former self: pale, depleted, powerless, and mentally absent. In this state, he is unable to make sound decisions or recognize imminent threats.
Scene 1 | aggressive confrontation
When an army of orcs invades and the king’s son is mortally wounded, Éomer, the king’s nephew, and his sister Éowyn urge the king to take action:
“He was ambushed by orcs. If we don’t defend our country, Saruman will take it by force.”
Instead of the king, Gríma responds dismissively:
“Lies. Saruman the White has ever been our friend and ally.”
Éomer tries to calmly convey the facts to his uncle:
“Orcs are roaming freely across our lands. Unchecked, unchallenged, killing at will. Orcs bearing the White Hand of Saruman.”
Gríma, rather than addressing Éomer’s words directly, shifts the focus:
“Why do you lay these troubles on an already troubled mind? Can you not see, your uncle is wearied by your malcontent, your warmongering?”
Gríma turns Éomer’s statements back onto his dissatisfaction, which does exist. However, he omits the real reasons behind it—the manipulations and distortions by Gríma himself, as well as the imminent threat. Through this tactic, he shifts Éomer’s concerns to a different level, detaching them from logical context and flipping the responsibility: he accuses Éomer of warmongering. Gríma keeps the weakened king in a state of hypnotic stupor by twisting the facts. While Gríma himself weakens the king, he pretends to be acting in Théoden’s best interests, discouraging any complaints. He poses as a concerned supporter by emphasizing the king’s obvious suffering and seemingly comforting him, though in reality he undermines him. By denying Théoden’s ability to face reality and cope with it, Gríma’s words create an alternate, distorted reality.
Éomer, however, is unaffected by Gríma’s insinuations and is provoked. He confronts Gríma:
“Warmongering? How long is it since Saruman bought you? What was the promised price, Gríma, when all the men are dead, you will take your share of the treasure?”
Gríma glances at Éowyn, who Saruman has promised to him as a reward for his service. Éomer calls out Gríma’s intent:
“Too long have you watched my sister. Too long have you haunted her steps!”
On Gríma’s command, Éomer is seized by soldiers:
“You see much, Éomer son of Éomund. Too much. You are banished forthwith from the kingdom of Rohan and all its domains. If you return, you will be put to death.”
Éomer has recognized the truth and exposed Gríma, but he must leave. Éomer protests:
“You have no authority here! Your orders mean nothing!”
But Éomer has underestimated Gríma’s influence on the king, which is deeper than he realizes:
“This order does not come from me. It comes from the king. He signed it this morning.”
Éomer is escorted out of the golden hall and banished from the courtyard. Throughout the scene, Théoden merely murmurs on his throne, appearing completely entranced by Gríma, who never lets him out of his sight, continuing to weaken him with words while feigning concern. Even when his son Théodred dies from injuries inflicted by orcs, Théoden shows no reaction. He has been robbed of his clarity, energy, and power, gradually drained by Saruman’s spirit, which, through Gríma’s words, envelops him in a haze of confusion, fear, and apathy, separating him from his true self. Théoden is now essentially absent.
Scene 2 | Shattered Clarity due to manipulative empathy
You can watch this scene here on Youtube (0:56).
Éowyn weeps at her bedside for her dead cousin Théodred, feeling deeply sad, shocked, and also concerned about her uncle’s condition. In this lonely, intimate moment, Grima approaches her:
“How tragic for the king to lose his only son and heir. I know such partings are not easy to accept, especially now that your brother has abandoned you.”
Grima gives compassion for Éowyn and the king, although in reality, he uses this power and energy to exert influence. He twists the facts: he himself had Éomer thrown out of court, but now he frames it as if Éomer had left his sister. He sues Éomer based on this untrue statement again. Here, it becomes particularly clear how consistently Grima tries to build an alternative reality into which he leads the protagonists. At the same time, he emphasizes the sadness and feelings of loneliness of Éowyn. Despite her emotionally permeable state and surging feelings, she recognizes exactly what is happening here. She still views the situation from above, or rather outside, which allows her a delimitation: she moves away from him and sends Grima away:
“Leave me alone, snake!”
Grima ignores the actual content of Éowyn’s statement, the request to leave. Although Éowyn has asked for distance, he actually gets even closer to her. He switches to a very personal, almost intimate level: by expressing her sensations, he nourishes them with words, interprets them, giving them more space and weight, reinforcing the negative in it. With poetically embellishing skill, he pulls the constricting band of grief and loneliness around Éowyn’s heart even tighter:
“But you are alone! Who knows what you entrust to the darkness? In the bitter hours of the night when your whole existence seems to shrink, the walls of your chamber crowd in on you, locking you in a cage like wild animals.”
In this condensation of despair, heaviness, sadness, and loneliness that he creates, he tries to create an access to it (and its energy) by acting as a humanly tangible way out of this intensified loneliness. A diabolical form of manipulative empathy. He approaches her with a questionable compliment:
“So beautiful, so cold” (places a hand on Éowyn’s cheek). – like a pale morning in spring breathed through with winter’s chill.”
Éowyn shows in this scene a very expressive moment of weakness: her lips tremble, and the touch of Grima’s hand makes her close her eyes. She falls. She sees the scene no longer from the outside—she can be sucked in. For a brief moment, her cheek and, emblematically, her soul fall into Grima’s hand. One dedication to her own weakness, the desire to stop believing in the illusion of not being alone after all, in the illusion of being able to drop. A brief moment in which pain, sadness, and loneliness fade into the background. A moment of relief in which she wants to forget who is in front of her. The words of the wormtongue pushed open the doors inside her: she felt seen and understood. The veil that already separates Théoden from his true essence, draining him of energy, now threatens to settle on Éowyn’s soul as well.
Becoming aware of this, Éowyn pales and senses that she is in danger of succumbing to the negative pull from Grima. She uses her rising anger and disgust to get out of the maelstrom of negativity and back into an outside perspective to be catapulted. She resumes from the outside and perceives the effect of Grima’s words aware. She eludes him directly, names what she senses, and leaves the room:
“Your words are poison!”
Scene 3 | Genuine demarcation & clarity
This scene can be watched here on Youtube:
When the wizard Gandalf arrives in Edoras with the elf Legolas, the dwarf Gimli, and Aragorn to exorcise King Théoden from the spirit of Saruman, Grima acts on the king’s spirit:
“My lord, Gandalf the Grey has arrived. It is a harbinger of suffering.”
Grima’s statement is paradoxical. He addresses Théoden as Lord but then demands that he regard Gandalf as a harbinger of suffering, presenting it as an established fact. Gandalf maintains a direct address with the king, reminding him of his official duties and earlier times, indicating a perceived change in royal customs that requires explanation.
Without directly attacking Théoden, Gandalf subtly challenges him. He makes subtle appeals to Théoden’s power and influence as king:
“The civility in your hall has somewhat diminished of late, Théoden, King!”
Grima, sensing Gandalf’s clarity, whispers to the king:
“He’s not welcome.”
Like a hypnotized subject, Théoden responds:
“Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow?”
Through Théoden’s gaze at Grima, the energetic-hypnotic bond between them becomes evident. It appears as though the king is waiting for confirmation from Grima, which promptly follows:
“This is a very valid question, lord and master!”
Grima now takes the king’s answers openly—he stands and walks toward Gandalf:
“Late is the hour when this magician comes on the scene. Lathspell is what he should be called. Bad news is a bad guest.”
He undermines Gandalf by labeling him (magician), criticizing him (late), and suggesting that this specific image of Gandalf is a universally valid truth. However, Gandalf perceives the effect of Grima’s words and remains resolute.
He does not let himself be provoked by Grima’s captious remarks but firmly adheres to his truth and purpose. He clearly states what he sees and counters with anger:
“Silence! Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. I have not gone through fire and death to exchange mendacious words with a simple-minded worm!”
One can feel the power and the unbreakable will within him as he holds out his wand to Grima—a symbol of his life, experience, and the resulting wisdom and force.
Gandalf effectively uses his anger to draw clarification, setting a clear boundary by addressing Grima unflinchingly. He remains focused on his aim (to free the king from Saruman’s influence) and gives no attention to the words of the serpent’s tongue.
Amidst the chaos of battle around him, Gandalf continues straight ahead, undeterred by the flying fists and bodies. His energetic doors remain closed to the insidious influence of the serpent’s tongue. His clear spirit permeates everything, even the paralyzing magic of hypnosis.
Gandalf looks through the shadow (the spirit of Saruman), turning respectfully and almost lovingly to the dignity and strength of the king. He makes a clear distinction between Théoden as king and the magic imprisoning him. He names the spell and refuses to be dazzled by the game. He enlightens the squirming king about what is really happening—he reconnects him with his truth and informs him of his intentions:
“Théoden, Thengel’s son! Too long have you sat in the shadows. Hear me! I will free you from the spell!”
Gandalf speaks to the Théoden behind the shadows. His unwavering inner truth and clarity force the spirit of Saruman to reveal itself more clearly. Now, Théoden’s voice shifts; it is the mocking laugh of Saruman that emerges:
“You have no power here, Gandalf the Grey!”
Rather than being intimidated or angered, Gandalf responds to Saruman’s scorn and mockery with calmness. He is aware of his strength and has an unbeatable ace up his sleeve: Saruman does not know that Gandalf had plunged into the shadows and returned as Gandalf the White. Had he entered the hall as Gandalf the White, he would have been denied entry. Thus, he holds the advantage when he sheds the gray cloak and firmly addresses Théoden:
“I will suck you Saruman like poison from a wound.”
The scene shifts: Because he has not wavered, Gandalf has forced Saruman’s spirit to reveal itself directly and engage with him. He turns this into a confrontation, working on his perceived truth and his knowledge of the king’s independence and strength.
Now Saruman’s voice clearly emerges from Théoden:
“If I go, then Théoden dies.”
Only now, as Saruman has made his presence known, does Gandalf engage directly with him. He does not let Saruman’s threat intimidate him. Gandalf resists any fear, refusing to entertain the possibility that his strength might not suffice. He remains steadfast and clear, connected to the source of his inner strength:
“You didn’t kill me. You won’t kill him either.”
One last time, Saruman rebels against Gandalf through Théoden:
“Rohan is mine!”
However, the hypnotic power of lies and fear cannot withstand the true clarity and strength of Gandalf. Gandalf swiftly raises his staff and points it at Théoden/Saruman:
“Give way!”
With the light and magical power of his staff, Gandalf extracts the spirit of Saruman from Théoden, who falls from his throne, freed from Saruman’s influence. Théoden’s appearance becomes rejuvenated, and his vision becomes clear. He regains consciousness and catches sight of Éowyn:
“I know your face! Éowyn, Éowyn! Gandalf? Dark have been my dreams lately.”
With Saruman gone, everything feels like a dream to Théoden. He has returned and notices Gandalf handing him his sword:
“Your fingers would remember their old strength better if they grasped your sword.”
As Théoden grips the hilt of the sword, his power flows back into him, and he becomes aware of what has transpired. His jaw muscles tense as the rage generated by Grima’s whispers, which had long mesmerized and controlled him, suddenly dissipates. The sword symbolically awakens him to his power and influence:
“How long have I been imprisoned?”
With his heart returned and in full recognition of what is at stake, the heroic **Rohan** warrior emerges from within, echoing a decisive and confident response:
“Now is the time for war!”
With this proclamation, Gandalf has set him free! Théoden’s spirit is reawakened!
How do the protagonists deal with energy vampirism ?
Éomer (Scene 1) clearly recognizes the situation unfolding around him, yet he acts rashly and reacts impulsively, allowing his emotions to overwhelm him. He engages in a discussion that touches on the core issues occurring at the court, but his arguments miss the mark. He underestimates the extent of Grima’s influence over the royal court, which ultimately leads to his banishment.
Éowyn, on the other hand, is more cautious (Scene 2). She refrains from entering into a substantive argument, but her behavior is dominated by fear, worry, and a sense of powerlessness. Her approach is, in essence, wise, as it keeps her in the court. However, she feels helpless in the face of unfolding events. While she manages to hold off the worm’s tongue through her sharp clarity regarding Grima, this is not always successful. For Grima’s whispers occasionally penetrate the open doors of pain, deep-seated grief, and loneliness that he is all too familiar with, leading her to lose sight of reality in the illusion of feeling understood. She´s in need!
Grima’s knowledge of her feelings provides him, as an energy thief, the opportunity to invade her psyche with manipulative words. Nevertheless, Éowyn effectively channels her anger in the right direction: she propels herself out of subjective suffering into an external perspective, distancing herself spatially and securing her energetic space.
Gandalf is the only one who truly succeeds (Scene 3), thanks to his own experiences in the shadow realm and the wisdom that stems from them. He communicates a clear awareness of the situation without getting sidetracked by distractions, discussions, or justifications. He has conquered fear in the shadow realm, rendering it powerless against him. He looks through the shadows and sees King Théoden behind them.
Courageously, clearly, and unflinchingly, he moves toward his goal. He is immune to the worm’s tongue, as he directly addresses Grima’s behavior, commands him to take his place, and remains unwavering in his efforts. His resolve pierces through the shadows and the spell. The white light and energy that emanate from him are fueled not least by his deep love for all people (including Théoden). His commitment to a greater common cause is rooted in the awareness of a profound bond. He understands the weight of his responsibility and thus drives away the shadows.
5 signs of energy vampirism
This section focuses on how you can recognize possible signs of energy vampirism—derived from the scenes discussed above—and how to put them to the test. My goal is for you to learn to protect yourself more effectively. By protection, I don’t mean a hardcore demarcation or demonization of individuals who may have misbehaved. Rather, I advocate for insight, understanding, and clarity, which can lead to a revelation of your inner truth. Observe how Gandalf positioned himself: he appreciated and valued the king, despite the energy that clung to him. However, when it came to Grima, his duplicity, the energy theft, the spell, and Saruman’s shadow, Gandalf firmly and unwaveringly stood in his radiant inner truth.
This is your most valuable form of protection!
When such energetic docking attempts are at play, this protection can—and should—lead you to a concrete, clear no, just as Gandalf pointed Grima to his rightful place!
Be cautious not to demonize, condemn, or reject others for their neediness; in doing so, you are, in effect, rejecting that very needy part of yourself. Accepting another person doesn’t mean taking care of their energy balance, feeling responsible for it, or permitting everything. Absolutely not.
In fact, it is often crucial to establish a clear no when you find yourself nurturing something that serves neither you nor the other person. Please refrain from developing a general distrust of people—that is not my intention at all. Nor am I suggesting that you completely avoid contact with people out of fear of energy thieves. Instead, I encourage you to strengthen your connection with your inner wisdom, clarity, and heart wisdom, and then consciously choose what serves you and your soul best. This way, you can engage with every person sincerely, standing clearlyyour truth while also establishing appropriate boundaries.
The following potential signs of energy vampirism should help you take a closer look:
1. lack of relation | subtle topic shifts
Your counterpart does not repeatedly refer to what you have said but instead opens up a new level of communication. This can feel quite confusing, but it can also be quite subtle—you may not notice it at first. He or she (consciously or unconsciously) avoids engaging in a particular level of conversation, subtly shifting the subject. For instance, one person might discuss Topic A, while you talk about Topic B (consider Éowyn and Grima—she sends him away, and he gets closer, talking about her loneliness).
The willingness to address Topic B is somehow lacking in your counterpart, but this is never explicitly stated. As a result, you may find yourself stuck at topic A, even though you genuinely want to discuss B.
Initially, you might feel insecure or even understanding due to your empathy (“That’s just his or her experience/topic…”), but over time, you may realize that the omission of your topics becomes increasingly bothersome. Your counterpart maintains control over the conversation, and you might begin to feel that you are losing energy at this point.
Examples from the movie scenes: In Scene 1, Grima changes the subject when Éomer mentions orcs: he does not engage with the content of Éomer’s statement and instead focuses on Théoden’s condition (which is genuinely dire), indirectly accusing Éomer of implicating his own uncle. In Scene 2, Éowyn sends Grima away (“Leave me alone!”). Here, too, Grima orchestrates a change of subject. Although he acknowledges Éowyn’s sense of loneliness in his response, he disregards her desire for solitude and, in fact, acts in the exact opposite manner. Through his intimate and interpretive comments about her emotional state, he intrudes upon the personal realm of her feelings without invitation.
Tip: Pay attention to issues and concerns that are important to you, and keep an eye on your values. If something feels off during an interaction, remain alert to whether you are being heard as an equal interlocutor (on your own topic).
Consider whether you receive responses or if your counterpart continually seeks to circle back to their own topics.
Strive to stay connected to yourself, grounded in your truth, in your center, and on your level. This way, you can also make yourself accessible to what the other person is saying—if you choose to do so. If you feel that a topic or conversation drains energy, it may sometimes be necessary to assert a clear no, I don’t want that.
2. Work with Fear & Pressure | claim of the universal truth
Your counterpart is sending messages suggesting that you do not want to acknowledge the truth. If you do not express a specific viewpoint or way of thinking, feeling, or behaving, it implies you are unwilling to adopt that particular perspective.
This singular truth is presented as absolute and unchangeable. Subtle pressure is generated to compel solidarity. Your counterpart claims that only one valid perspective exists. If you disagree, it may be implied that you risk social exclusion (or the end of a relationship). We are entering the realm of emotional manipulation. This behavior is often observed in the context of cult-like dynamics. Your counterpart wants to draw you into a space where only one truth prevails. This hinders constructive discussions and prevents the expression of your personal views and values. He or she does not engage on the topic B you mentioned (see point 1).
Simultaneously, this often creates a kind of promise of salvation that ties you to their approval of them and their statements. “If you don’t think, feel, or act in this way, you’re on the wrong path.”
People become subtly deindividualized, sacrificing their personal creativity and wisdom. Statements like, “You just haven’t understood that yet!”, “You’ll realize that someday!” or even more subtly threatening: “You’ll see!'” or questioning your own values and viewpoints: “You can’t just leave it like that!”
What about diversity of opinions? What about your own inner truth and your personal way? Let that sink in for a minute.
Examples from the movie scenes: Again in Scene 1, Grima insists on a truth that can be disproven by facts. When Éomer addresses these facts (“Orcs roam the lands…”) and subsequently discusses the actual events—such as Grima being bought by Saruman and stalking Éowyn—he is expelled from the court. Grima is prepared to eliminate opponents who do not show solidarity with him.
In Scene 2, the manipulation is more subtle: Éowyn misses her brother and feels alone. Grima capitalizes on this feeling (which might seem empathetic to outsiders) but couples it with a lie (“…since your brother has abandoned you…”). He shifts the focus to a different truth, intensifying her feelings of sadness and loneliness. Through his words, he amplifies her suffering to position himself as her savior, placing his hand on her cheek—an invitation to dwell in those feelings.
In Scene 3, Grima tries to prevent Gandalf from discussing his topic right from the start (“He is not welcome…”). Here, the conversation clearly operates on two levels. Gandalf’s unwavering commitment to his truth and intentions brings Saruman’s true nature to light. He threatens Gandalf with Théoden’s voice: “If I go, then Théoden dies.” In other words, “Either back down and conform, or…!”
Tip: Emerging fear can help you distinguish: Does your counterpart respect your personal truth, dignity, and the individuality of your path? Or are the messages suggesting that you need to adopt their views and truths, “because otherwise…”? A subtle threat resonates here, indicating a work with fear. Ensure you don’t get trapped! If your counterpart implies that you are doing something wrong or that you have made mistakes that need correction, exercise caution!
If, due to your past experiences, you have learned to take on guilt or feel guilty, this can create an energetic signature that causes you to focus on your inferiority or victim mentality. You may find yourself in situations where you feel incomplete or that something is wrong with you.
Pay attention to what is happening inside you: fear and guilt can be a hint that someone is trying to drain your energy—to harness your power in the form of validation, encouragement, and attention.
In cases of energy vampirism, the driving force is always fear. It is a powerful pull of negativity and a coercive need for solidarity, which can drain your energy significantly.
However, not every person offering help has the intention of siphoning your energy. You can ask yourself whether this person is giving you the impression that you absolutely need something from them (“because otherwise…!!”) or if they are genuinely trying to assist you in finding your own individual path. Your soul knows best what serves it and what does not—no one else can determine that!
3. polarization, devaluation, projection & fanaticism
Your counterpart may lack a differentiated perspective. Many individuals have fixed or limited viewpoints, but this alone does not indicate that someone is trying to drain your energy. It could simply mean that your counterpart possesses a strong inner clarity, is confident in their beliefs, knows their values, and stands firm in their truth (similar to Gandalf in Scene 3).
When your counterpart does not concede to any other opinions or viewpoints, it may serve as a warning sign. If they express their personal opinions in a fanatical manner, presenting them as irrefutable and universal truths (as discussed in point 2), pay attention! Often, from this standpoint, individuals seek a group, opinion, or stance that subtly or overtly aligns with their enemy image.
Discrimination and polarization can signify that your interlocutor enhances their self-worth through blaming others (externalization) and devaluing third parties. This leads us to the areas of projection, externalization, splitting, and devaluation. Your counterpart is likely seeking allies who will fight alongside them: a group, party, or person labeled as bad, to blame, or evil. Such extreme statements divide, fostering a black-and-white mindset that allows no room for nuances or even personal truths.
Examples from the film scenes: This is most clearly exemplified in Scene 3, where Grima perceives Gandalf as a harbinger of suffering and assumes that the bearer of bad news must also be a bad guest. Essentially, Grima externalizes blame onto Gandalf for the bad news, despite being the one who paved the way for Saruman.
In Scene 2, we also see an accusation and externalization when Grima claims that Éomer abandoned Éowyn, coupled with a distortion of the facts. Grima consistently seeks someone to accuse and blame, fanatically defending his twisted truth by manipulating it within seemingly insignificant subordinate clauses.
Scene 1 portrays an accusation against Éomer as a warmonger.
Tip: In your interactions, you may feel an uncomfortable pressure to align or solidarize (as mentioned above). Be attentive: Is your counterpart genuinely concerned about a particular issue they believe in? What personal or higher purpose does this attitude serve? Or are they perhaps personally benefiting from this polarization? Are specific groups, individuals, or opinions being devalued or prejudged? Is there space for individual differences? Does the person you are conversing with encourage you to discuss them in a specific manner?
When faced with an invitation to self-appreciation (and simultaneous devaluation of others), while showing disinterest in your genuine opinion and exhibiting discomfort in the event of a differing perspective, remain vigilant!
If you notice your counterpart looking down on others (or possibly you), take a moment to step back. If you empathize with your counterpart, you might find yourself tacitly agreeing with their accusations, discrimination, or blame, which may gradually lead to a feeling of anxiety or discomfort. This can stem from your own lack of expression of truth, automatically positioning you as someone who must play the role of the opposition.
At this juncture, things become particularly interesting: On one hand, you may have held back your expression out of a desire to maintain a supposed (but actually non-existent) harmony. Alternatively, fear might compel you to keep quiet. If you have a strong need for harmony and struggle to express your own values, it can become increasingly challenging.
Please realize that it is not the beautiful encounter or the harmony itself that restrains you, but rather the fear! If you have yet to articulate your opinion clearly, do so as soon as possible and take a stand. You might suddenly find yourself on the side of the enemy, that is, being deemed guilty. Things can change that quickly.
4. contradictions | Denial of responsibility
Your counterpart often distances themselves from involvement in negative outcomes, which is closely tied to the concept of accepting responsibility. In some instances, they may recontextualize certain facts, deny events, or provide alternative explanations for what has happened. This can result in contradictory statements, suggesting a fabrication of falsehoods. If you observe that your counterpart is essentially not taking responsibility for their actions during interactions, you may start to experience unpleasant feelings, such as anger, confusion, and if you believe them – an overwhelming sense of responsibility, or even guilt. Your energy may diminish the longer you remain in this situation, as a lack of clarity can imply tacit consent to their behavior. And this behavior & statements may be based on them disconnecting their own person from negative outcome.
Here we encounter narcissistic energy expressed through defense mechanisms such as externalization and projective identification. You can find a (german) video on this topic on my YouTube channel. You may use auto-generated english subtitles.
Examples from film scenes: In Scene 1, Grima separates Éomer’s dissatisfaction from the factual events (the threat) and Grima’s influence over the king. He effectively disconnects his involvement in these incidents.
Again, in Scene 2, Grima deliberately ignores the fact that he was the one who had Éomer banished from the court. This introduces completely contradictory content, as he claims that Éomer has abandoned his sister, Éowyn. You may wonder what would have happened if Éowyn had attempted to clarify the situation.
Tip: Pay attention to contradictions in their statements and how your counterpart positions themselves within the events. Do they acknowledge any errors? Do they take responsibility for the consequences of their actions? Do they frequently ignore certain aspects of events that have led to their disadvantage?
Reflect on how you feel during these interactions. If you sense confusion, take the time to explore its origins. How do you perceive the situation? Are you experiencing guilt without understanding why? Again, take your time and step back to gain clarity.
5. Feeding the shadows | Intensifying Negativity
When someone reinforces your feelings of distress by using intensifying adjectives and attributing heavy significance to your experiences, it signals a problem. If you consistently feel worse after conversations, it’s essential to pay attention. We all have dark and desperate aspects within us that are valid and deserve acknowledgment. There are days when we struggle or go through phases of grief, injury, and pain, which are all part of our growth and existence. Difficult conversations are a natural part of life. However, if this is the only way you can interact with someone – it might be an attempt to drain your energy.
If you sense that your counterpart’s words are pulling you deeper into negativity, take a moment to observe the conversation from an outside perspective. What is happening here?
The act of feeding your shadow aspects or negative experiences (as in Éowyn’s case) often coincides with the offered help. Someone may come along and contribute to making your suffering feel denser, heavier, and more desperate. Your counterpart might genuinely understand you, but it may not truly be about supporting you. Instead, they might enjoy playing the role of the (superior) savior or seek a reciprocal energetic connection (as seen in Grima and Éowyn).
It’s important to acknowledge that some people, consciously or unconsciously, do not want to see you in power or allow you to shine. Such individuals may emphasize your shadow aspects to keep you from pursuing your potential. They may fear being terribly alone or having to change if you embrace your light. They cling to the shadows within you to access your energy, often because they feel a great inner emptiness—but this is not your responsibility. You do not help these individuals by becoming an energy donor.
The paradox is that from an outsider’s perspective, it may seem like the other person is there for you, while you may feel they want to siphon your energy. Pay attention to what you feel & to what is truly happening! Stay connected to yourself!
Caution: This section does not discuss mutual support during difficult times or those who genuinely need our assistance. It focuses on individuals who subtly devalue you and reinforce negativity for their own purposes.
Examples from film scenes: In Scene 1, Grima subtly diminishes Théoden by suggesting he should be spared and not burdened. While this may appear as well-meaning advice, he is, in fact, degrading the king and draining his energy by denying him strength and power. He keeps Théoden in a submissive position while pretending to have good intentions.
In Scene 2, Grima’s actions exemplify the feeding of shadow aspects: he violates Éowyn’s boundaries against her will. Through this overt disrespect, he attempts to weaken her will. He invades her personal space and nurtures her sensitivities with his words, giving them more weight. If you watch this scene again and place yourself in Éowyn’s position, you can begin to understand the sadness and loneliness that arise when someone touches your heart with their words. You may resonate with her despair, heaviness, and loneliness, realizing how Grima seeks access to her energy and nearly succeeds.
Tip: How does your counterpart see you? Do they view you as a person with light and shadow aspects, or do they keep you small and subtly devalue you? Do they trust that you will integrate your shadow sides, work with them, and grow from the experience? Or do you feel a heaviness and an intensity of emotions that you previously didn’t recognize?
Do you leave interactions feeling weak and drained? Are you similar to Éowyn, possibly lacking genuine trust in this person, surrendering to your loneliness and emotional state?
Do you feel that your counterpart has a certain expectation of being there for you? Pay attention to your feelings during interactions. Take time to evaluate everything carefully. If you feel uncomfortable, consider interrupting your counterpart and changing the subject. If they persist, follow Éowyn’s example and create distance.
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How you can counter energy vampirism
These five detailed explanations serve as starting points for your self-assessment. Additionally, forms of energy vampirism can occur through devaluation, manipulation, ghosting, and emotional blackmail.
From my perspective, energy vampirism is fundamentally about clarity and taking a stance.
We can only identify potential vulnerabilities within ourselves, address them, and clearly define our stance against this involuntary energy shift.
I want to emphasize this once more: As long as we have not fully replaced the deficiency mindset within ourselves, we are all potential energy thieves. We seek something in the external world that we have yet to discover within ourselves. This is a human trait!
In the context of energy vampirism, the key questions are about awareness and the assumption of responsibility:
Am I willing to confront my shortcomings? Will I illuminate my sense of lack and use it as a catalyst for personal growth, or will I remain identified with this lack and draw upon the energy of others?
We all exchange energies — this is completely normal and often invigorating and inspiring. In a state of open-heartedness, it can be one of the most beautiful experiences: to truly connect with others and to flow together. There is nothing more rewarding than selflessly giving from the heart, supporting others, and honoring the call of our true nature.
You can only give freely if you feel whole yourself. To achieve this abundance, you must prioritize your own needs and establish clear boundaries against involuntary energy depletion.
In self-love, you discover your own truth.
I hope this article assisted you in gaining more clarity on your journey.
Namasté and all my love,
Yours Kristina
