Overview
Introduction
Empathic or highly sensitive individuals often demonstrate an extraordinary ability to empathize, showing deep understanding and warmth toward those around them. Their “antennas” are highly attuned, picking up on the most subtle details across all levels of interaction. They may sense energies and have frequent access to deeper, non-visible dimensions of experience.
This supersensory perception allows them to bring an invaluable gift of compassion into the world. Their essence is rooted in lived values of connection, care, and generosity.
When they manage to give and empathize while maintaining self-love, they can harness their potential for warmth, understanding, and true care in a deeply healing way.
Yet, this gift also comes with challenges. Their fine-tuned sensitivity can lead to a flood of impressions. In relationships, highly empathic people must learn to distinguish between their own feelings and those of others, ensuring they stay grounded in themselves.
At times, they may lose sight of their own emotions, unconsciously shifting their focus onto others and confusing external feelings with their own. This blending of emotions can obscure their personal needs and desires, which become intertwined with the experiences of others. As a result, feelings of fear, insecurity, and the empathic stress overload may develop. Decision-making becomes difficult, and clear boundaries – both internal and external – may seem elusive, making it hard to voice a firm “no” due to inner turmoil.
Many empathic individuals struggle with these issues. But why is like that? Is empathy or high sensitivity an inherent trait, or does it stem from early life imprints or wounds?
Psychologist Elaine N. Aron suggests that highly sensitive individuals have a biologically determined, broader neuronal network, which increases their receptiveness and susceptibility to stimuli. Aron and other researchers estimate that 15-20% of the population are highly sensitive.
On the other hand, author Luca Rohleder, in his (german) book The Love of Empathic People, discusses the concept of an unhealed newborn ego, which needs integration and conscious (self-)care. He also highlights that the ideal of love cherished by empathic people may have its roots in early childhood experiences.
In my opinion, all humans have a natural sensitivity. We all possess the potential for heightened perception and sensitivity, but throughout our lives (or perhaps over multiple lifetimes, if you believe in such concepts), painful experiences shape how we can access this ability. Some individuals shut down their sensitivity, focusing inward, while others are highly attuned to external stimuli and may struggle to stay connected to their own inner world. The source, however, remains the same.
Of course, there are beautiful differences among us. Some children are naturally more attuned to subtle nuances, while others seem more resilient and less easily affected. Any mother reading this will likely attest to this truth. High sensitivity, therefore, is not inherently a wound or a disadvantage.
Certain children simply need more understanding and may experience their emotions in broader, more subtle ways. When raised in an environment with ideal conditions – supportive, loving guidance – they can develop both healthy self-worth and a balanced sensitivity. This enables them to establish healthy boundaries, making it easier to distinguish their own emotions from those of others.
When high sensitivity meets an early external orientation, this capacity can be reinforced, potentially leading to extreme empathy, or even hypersensitivity. In these cases, certain formative experiences may have a stronger impact, and the resulting mechanisms or imprints can either enhance or obstruct the person’s development.
From my perspective, when particularly sensitive children grow up in certain environments, it increases the likelihood of specific early childhood imprints or wounds. These imprints often direct their thoughts, feelings, and actions toward others, whereas individuals with a narcissistic imprint tend to focus on themselves.
It’s crucial to note that terms like “empathy,” “high sensitivity,” and “narcissism” are not value judgments. I reject the notion of good/evil or victim/perpetrator in these contexts. Instead, these terms describe two tendencies that are far more alike than many might assume. If you want, you can explore how labels can sabotage your growth in another article.
This article presents a general, visible layer – what can be seen on the surface. Of course each soul carries its own story, one that shapes our ability to access and express our feelings and ultimately influences the course of our lives.
Understanding wounds | the early months of life
Before we take a close look at the empathetic wound, we have to understand the general processes of development. The basics outlined here also apply for the narcissistic wound.
1. physical symbiosis
During pregnancy, the fetus experiences physical symbiosis with the mother, sharing her blood, nutrients, and even emotional states. Studies show that stress during pregnancy, for example, can have measurable effects on the fetus. This is because when the mother secretes stress hormones, the fetus also receives them, giving the unborn child an early experience of external emotional stimuli. Thus, even before birth, the child experiences sensations linked to the mother’s emotional state.
2. emotional-energetic symbiosis
After birth, this symbiosis continues emotionally and energetically. When the mother is anxious or upset, the baby often mirrors these emotions, crying or becoming agitated. The child’s survival depends on this emotional bond.
In states of “emergency” the baby can draw attention: “Something is wrong! I am not well. Take care of me!” or “I’m fine like this! I am satisfied!”
Also the infant reflects back the mother’s emotional state. For parents, this creates a challenging feedback loop: the infant not only experiences its own emotional needs but also reflects the parent’s emotional state. A permanent mirror.
3. spectrum of experienced feelings | BINARY
In the earliest stages, a child primarily experiences two emotional extremes: comfort (pleasure) and discomfort (pain). These binary sensations are crucial for survival, as they drive the infant to cry out, if attention and care is needed. The experience of existential levels of fear and anxiety thus helps the infant to survive. This binary emotional spectrum shapes the child’s emotional development.
4. development | ego-awareness, autonomy & self-confidence
By around 18 months, the child becomes aware of being an “I“. It establishes object permanence, understanding that people and objects exist even when they’re out of sight. During this time, the child begins to explore the environment and develop autonomy. Emotional regulation also starts to emerge, as parents help their child understand, verbalize & regulate their emotions. This is laying the groundwork for self-confidence and a sense of self-efficacy.
Formation of the empathic wound
During the first months of life, every child requires unconditional love and care from their parents (usually primarily the mother) to feel accepted and nurtured. Providing the necessary guidance, support, and emotional understanding can be particularly challenging for parents of highly sensitive children.
Successful development hinges on the parent’s ability to adopt an empathetic approach, recognizing and responding to the child’s subtler reactions. Parents act as mirrors for the child’s self-image and self-acceptance. If the sensitive child feels understood, they can learn to manage their intense emotions constructively.
In my view, the empathic wound forms through the interaction of a child’s innate sensitivity, temperament, and certain life experiences. These factors may include:
Emotional-energetic symbiosis – the strategy of identification
Early invalidations – suppression of one’s own feelings
The lonely, dependent, and angry child
Anxiety as a signal for external connection – lack of independent emotional regulation
Beliefs and self-worth
1. emotional-energetic symbiosis - the strategy of identification
Highly sensitive individuals possess heightened emotional sensitivity and long-term memory retention. Early on, the emotional-energetic symbiosis with the mother, a natural survival mechanism, is embedded as a working solution strategy. Children learn to regulate their emotional states through emotional fusion with the mother (and later with others).
This connection becomes especially ingrained if the child’s emotional needs are overlooked or invalidated, prompting them to extend the symbiotic bond beyond the expected developmental phase and engage in a pattern of vicarious emotional processing.
Example:
Jennifer, a highly sensitive 12-month-old, cries to be held by her mother, who is struggling with depression. The mother’s inability to respond increases Stefanie’s distress. Jennifer, sensing her mother’s despair, suppresses her own emotions and smiles, mirroring her mother’s needs. This triggers a positive response from the mother, reinforcing the symbiotic strategy.
In contrast, Laura, a less sensitive child in a similar situation, expresses her distress openly & continuously. Her mother finally responds to her escalating cries, providing the emotional support Sabine requires without the need for emotional-energetic symbiosis.
Over time, the emotional suppression and reliance on external validation can become habitual for Jennifer.
This strategy can become deeply entrenched if it repeatedly results in attention and reassurance (reinforcement). The child learns to regulate their own distress by responding to the caregiver’s needs rather than addressing their own emotions.
2. early invalidations - suppression of one´s own feelings
Invalidations are especially prevalent in empathic individuals because their inner lives and perceptions are much more complex. Parents can only recognize and understand emotions they themselves have experienced. When parents struggle to interpret emotional cues or lack the ability to empathize with their child’s inner world, the child does not receive the full emotional understanding it needs. This creates an incomplete or missing mirror of the sensitive child’s emotional reality.
Invalidations become even more impactful when parents are overwhelmed, emotionally needy, or preoccupied with their own problems, or when the family atmosphere is harsh or abrasive. Additionally, factors like parentification or abuse of any kind further amplify the damage.
Highly sensitive children feel even small rejections more acutely, storing these painful experiences deeply. From a child’s perspective, this can lead to foundational beliefs like “Nobody understands me” or “I am unimportant.”
If their emotions go unrecognized and unappreciated, the child may be left alone with their feelings, struggling to make sense of their experiences. They may question emotions that are not reflected back to them, leading to a fragmentation of their self-image.
Like narcissistic individuals, empathic children who are repeatedly misunderstood may experience a deep existential panic. Over time, these painful feelings become too overwhelming, causing the child to repress or split off parts of themselves. This leads to the development of automatic coping mechanisms, where emotional experiences are pushed away in favor of strategies that provide immediate relief.
The empathic child may begin to adopt an emotional caretaker role, attempting to regulate their own emotions by focusing on the needs and feelings of others.
Unlike narcissistic imprinting, which leads to emotional detachment and passive withdrawal, empathic imprinting may result in external orientation and an exaggerated emotional attachement. The empathic child seeks connection and identification with others as a way to cope with overwhelming fear and anxiety. Both strategies, however, serve the same fundamental purpose: avoiding the terror of existential isolation and emotional disconnection.
3. the lonely, dependent and angry child
As with narcissistic individuals, empathically wounded children can also grow up feeling lonely, dependent, fearful, and often harboring repressed anger. These children learn to suppress their own emotions in favor of constantly attuning to external signals, trying to anticipate and respond to the needs of others. This heightened receptivity can lead to chronic inner restlessness and tension, a state I call the “empathic stress loop.” (article)
Over time, the child may lose contact with its own feelings and sensations, making it increasingly difficult to fully understand or know itself.
In the emotional world of the empathic child, certain emotions become labeled as dangerous – particularly those that threaten their strategy of regulating feelings through external validation. Despite efforts to suppress these feelings, recurring experiences of rejection or misunderstanding inevitably trigger frustration and anger. These emotions are quickly repressed but accumulate over time, creating an internal reservoir of unresolved tension.
Even healthy egocentric impulses, which are essential for personal development and autonomy, fall victim to this repression. These impulses, which normally support the child’s natural drive for independence, become stifled. Autonomy development – through which a child gains confidence and self-reliance by exploring the world – becomes significantly impaired for the empathic child. The learned dependence on external feedback makes it much harder for them to separate from caregivers or assert their individuality.
In cases where parentification occurs, the child may even develop the belief that they are responsible for their caregiver’s emotional well-being. This further complicates the child’s ability to explore the world freely or detach, as moving away from the caregiver feels emotionally dangerous. The fear of separation becomes so intense that the child is metaphorically “pulled back” like a magnet, unable to venture out or form a solid sense of self.
For the empathic child, the idea of losing a caregiver (who often is a actually in need of care) – or being rejected – feels like an existential threat. This fear amplifies the repression of natural impulses, especially when parents have responded to anger with invalidation or punishment.
Over time, the child learns to suppress not only anger and frustration but also their fundamental egocentric desires. These feelings are metaphorically “locked away,” much like what occurs in narcissistic imprinting. The result is an inner life full of unreleased anger, often directed toward primary caregivers, but buried beneath layers of emotional self-denial.
4. Fear initiates external orientation | The co-regulation trap
Fear, for empathic children transforms into an automatic signal that prompts individuals to orient themselves outward. For the empathic child, this outward orientation serves as a means of securing reassurance. Such co-regulation is natural, provided the child can also engage in self-regulation.
However, in this context, the outward approach gradually becomes the sole method of coping. The child does not learn to endure or regulate these emotions, leading to the development of an intolerance toward fear itself.
To manage their feelings, the empathic child – who later becomes an adult – resorts to external sources for regulation. This process can be described as “playing across the board,” where individuals seek validation, reassurance and support from others rather than learning to navigate their feelings independently.
5. Self-efficacy and emotional dependence
6. Core Beliefs and Low Self-Worth
As with narcissistic individuals, empathic children often form deep-rooted beliefs based on their experiences. Statements like “Nobody understands me” become internalized when sensitivity is misunderstood. Over time, these beliefs harden into a sense of being inherently “wrong” or “unacceptable.”
Phrases like “Don’t be so sensitive” or “It’s not that bad” reinforce these ideas, cementing a low sense of self-worth.
Empathic children may come to believe:
Their worth is tied to their efforts or performance.
They are bad or worthless if they do not care for or empathize with others.
Anxiety is intolerable and cannot be managed independently.
They need others to feel complete.
Their actions must always align with the expectations of others.
Anger or self-centeredness must be suppressed in favor of maintaining harmony.
In adulthood, these beliefs often persist, shaping relationships and self-perception. Unlike narcissistic individuals, empaths tend to have better access to their emotions and are more likely to recognize self-esteem issues. However, they may resist letting go of these deep-seated beliefs due to a strong desire to be perceived as “good.”
Empathic wounding and Its impact on life
The effects of empathic wounding are profound. Dami Charf’s book Even Old Wounds Can Heal (german) provides insight into developmental trauma and how it affects empaths.
1. developmental delays
Due to their own intense emotions and learned external orientation, empathic individuals may experience developmental delays. When an empath’s identification with others is pronounced, it becomes challenging to distinguish their own feelings from those of others. The more frequently this leads to the activation of the empathic stress loop, the more time the highly sensitive individual loses in terms of personal growth and development.
Moreover, the blending of feelings and the repression of anger often results in a lack of access to one’s own emotional compass, which is essential for effective decision-making. Pursuing specific goals can also become more challenging. If the empathic person has not learned to maintain self-connection, confusion can arise in their relationships. Their own goals, values, and desires may become distorted and questioned due to this identification. Consequently, the empathic adult may feel disoriented and lost, leading to long-term dissatisfaction and frustration (often directed at themselves).
Many empathically inclined individuals embark on a lifelong journey of self-discovery. In this process, it is common for them to seek direction from others, ideologies, or trends, often identifying with these external sources to find support and guidance.
This creates a vicious cycle: to mitigate the fear, insecurity, and dissatisfaction arising from emotional conflation, the empathic person seeks connection with others or an ideal. However, this perpetuates the blending of their own sensations with those of others, making it difficult for them to access their unique emotional spectrum. As a result, they may experience confusion, uncertainty, self-doubt, and ambivalence regarding their decisions.
2. The love ideal
Based on the experiences and functioning mechanisms, a (love) ideal can emerge, similar to narcissistic imprinting. In the world of the empathic person, unconditional love takes the form of absolute devotion, uncompromising empathy, the withdrawal of one’s own needs, and maintaining harmony (no anger!). Please do not misunderstand me: unconditional love is a highly valuable pursuit, and I firmly believe that unconditional love, beyond empathic imprinting, inherently resides in every (highly sensitive) person.
However, the empathic imprint contaminates this unconditionality. The ideal may be shaped by unconscious motives stemming from the individual’s imprinting history.
Beliefs such as “I am wrong,” “As I am, I am not seen or accepted,” “I am not allowed to express my anger,” or “The other person is more important than me” drive the empathic person’s desire for unconditional love from another person. They are not yet complete within themselves, this unconditional love approach doesn´t encompass themselves.
An incomplete sense of self excludes the (healthy) self-centered and assertive parts. As long as the empathic person holds the (unconscious) belief that they need to do something – such as pruning themselves or adapting in order to be seen, loved, and appreciated – they are acting out of fear, not love. As a result, they cannot show up fully and authentically.
Another person cannot love them fully because they cannot let themselves be fully seen. In this way, the ideal of love is built on a foundation of deficiency. The empathic person is often not fully aware of this paradox: they do not love themselves entirely, yet they long for someone else to do so.
Moreover, the empathic person ties their value within this love ideal to external validation. Like the narcissistic individual, the empath experiences a deep longing to be fully loved, often because they believe they have never truly experienced this. What escapes their notice is that they must first embrace this love within themselves.
On the contrary, based on this ideal, they subconsciously expect others to be free of anger and (healthy) self-centeredness, just like them. Through the lens of this flawless ideal, they often perceive others in a distorted (idealized) way at first and engage with them accordingly. When they eventually realize that others deviate from this image, the empathic person often experiences shock.
The empath can be so attached to an ideal that any deviation triggers their repressed fears and pent-up anger. In such moments, they may be hard on themselves and, at times, suddenly hard on others. They reproach themselves (and sometimes secretly others) for violating their ideal, simultaneously experiencing deep confusion and emotional chaos. This mirrors the feelings they encountered before they established their protective ideal image in response to invalidations during childhood.
Through harsh self-criticism (turning against the self), the empathic person reenacts childhood experiences, triggering old wounds. Now, it is they who fail to accept themselves, condemning their impulses and feelings when they act against their ideal.
In this way, they perpetuate the very pain they experienced in their youth, continuing a cycle for the sake of an unquestioned model internalized from those early experiences.
Within this model, the empathic person functions exceptionally well. However, when problems arise or deviations occur from this idealized world, they react with fear, insecurity, and often anger or despair. In such moments, it feels as if the ground is being pulled out from under their feet – essentially, this is what is happening. It is not uncommon for the empath to look for the cause of these feelings outside themselves – in the behavior of others (externalization!). Yet, in truth, it is their inner chaos that they are feeling, as the illusory framework they once thought was reality begins to crumble.
Because – every one feels anger, envy or even hatred – that´s also part of being a human, but – it was never learned.
3. anger paralysis
The empathic person often avoids competition and rivalry, lacks self-assertion, and tends to shrink back and hide, justifying this behavior with their ideal. They believe the world should be a place of peace, harmony, and reconciliation. And indeed – we need these values more in our world!
However, even within this ideal, they are not entirely authentic, genuine, or whole. In the short term, this ideal helps them avoid confronting difficult emotions like fear, anger, and insecurity. But beyond their familiar ideal, they fear they may not be able to cope with reality. They often avoid (even healthy) conflict, especially when it involves dealing with anger or egocentric impulses.
When the empathic person taps into their anger, they may experience what can be described as an “anger paralysis,” feeling stuck or immobilized due to a lack of constructive strategies. This reaction may stem from developmental trauma – an automatic response ingrained over time. In some cases, their inhibition of aggression is so strong that they feel completely frozen, unable to act, which can escalate in dissociation. What’s needed here is a healthier way to process and express anger.
Even if the empathic person manages to express their anger, feelings of guilt often follow soon after. They might retract or soften their initial statements because they’ve violated their internal (love) ideal and begin to condemn themselves. Moreover, distancing themselves from another person can feel like a form of self-annihilation, which makes conflict even more difficult.
As a result, the empathic person tends to avoid necessary conflicts. Thanks to their heightened sensitivity, they know exactly how to prevent escalation and restore harmony. This strategy of external orientation often works, but it comes at the cost of their own needs, desires, and emotions.
Another consequence of avoiding conflict is that they don’t develop the skills to assert themselves when needed. This can lead to feelings of helplessness, and a perceived inability to handle conflict can further erode their self-worth. In turn, this internal struggle can lead to more anger or fear, deepening the cycle of avoidance.
4. self-sabotage & depression
Partial self-denial and self-sabotage can lead to increasing anger and frustration, accumulating in an internal, locked box. At times, this anger may erupt. If the empathic person could accept, understand, and feel these emotions, it would be beneficial.
Anger gives us clues when our needs, goals, or desires are threatened. It informs us about what we want or don’t want. To benefit from this, we need to allow the feelings, accept them, and let them breathe. This would give the empathic person the opportunity to understand themselves better and gain clarity, leading to personal growth.
Integrating and accepting these emotions, the empathic person could develop an intuitive protection from situations and people who don’t value or respect them. However, because their ideal doesn’t allow for a full range of feelings, they often question themselves instead of others. This leads to neglecting their own needs and staying in situations or with people who no longer serve them or may have bad intentions.
When this leads to repeated frustration, sadness, and anger, the empathic stress loop begins. The overflow of emotions results from acting against oneself, resisting feelings instead of addressing them. The empathic person often blames external circumstances for their distress, not recognizing their own self-sabotage, and may withdraw from contacts and situations.
At times, isolation might seem like the only solution – to retreat from an overstimulating world and – their own suppressed feelings. Yet, deep down, they crave connection. In this retreat, they experience loss. Overwhelmed by stimuli and internal conflict, they reach their emotional limit, leading to confusion.
Anger and irritation surface, followed by guilt, causing the empathic person to withdraw even further. The internal pressure builds, increasing the need for external validation. Despite understanding others so well, they often struggle to understand themselves.
A recurring experience for empathic people is realizing, in their quest for connection, that they don’t feel ready for authentic contact. This can lead to despair, depression, and hopelessness.
Example:
Viktor and Stefanie plan to go to the cinema on Sunday evening. Stefanie is excited to see a new film about Thich Nhat Hanh, while Viktor has no interest in this topic. Outside the cinema, Viktor decides, without asking Stefanie, to see “Die Hard, Part 23” instead. Stefanie dislikes action movies but wants Viktor to have a good evening before his busy workweek. She notices he’s restless and irritable (external orientation). After all, relationships are about mutual consideration (love ideal).
Sitting in the cinema, Stefanie feels uneasy. The violence in the film affects her deeply, and her repressed anger rises. But at least Viktor is holding her hand. She forces a smile (reaction formation) and feels guilty for her angry impulses (turning against the self).
When Viktor drops her off at home, she feels drained and old thoughts like “I am worthless” and “I am to blame” haunt her, keeping her awake at night.
The next morning, she feels miserable. When her friend Sabine calls to ask how she’s doing, Stefanie reacts with irritation. Sabine offers to visit, but later, Stefanie feels guilty and cancels the meeting. She questions herself, wondering why she can’t just be content. That evening, Stefanie cries herself to sleep, feeling lonely and longing for Viktor.
This article is close to my heart because all of this can be interrupted and un-learned. The empathic person can discover the source of their suffering and learn to love themselves. They can embrace their full self, including anger and self-centeredness. These feelings are not wrong but are part of our human experience, guiding us in life. The empath can speak their truth without becoming aggressive or dismissive. The first step is to see, what they are doing.
By honestly reflecting on themselves, acceptance and understanding can break the lie that emotions must be suppressed. The empath can learn to take care of themselves and overcome the need for external validation. By assuming full responsibility for their emotions, they can experience true liberation and authentic relationships, becoming more confident and self-determined.
5. bound rage | turn against the self
Unconsciously, the empathically wounded person reenacts his primary childhood experience over and over again. By orienting himself to his ideal, he experiences supposed security and a sense of control. He knows what he has to do within the framework of this model. Because of its natural receptivity and receptivity, it sees where it is needed. In doing so, however, he repeatedly denounces the very part of his being that is still crying out so much to finally be seen and perceived.
The empathic person – like the narcissistic person – is not fully present. He does not holistically include his own being in the gift of his sensitivity and subtlety: his anger. He remains cut off from the actual core message of this feeling – that his own goals, values and needs are at risk – by his inner prohibition. He is missing out on an important source of information for adjusting his own life decisions.
He experiences feelings of guilt and turns his anger against himself. Here again a defense mechanism is at work, which can be named as turn against the self. Interestingly, this defense mechanism is the counterpart of the projection (in which one’s own feelings are externalized onto another). Projection is the preferred defense mechanism in narcissistic imprinting! The empathic person also projects, only with different content. It projects positive wishful thinking (see “Ideal”). Simplified: the empathic person automatically swallows what the narcissistic person does not want to have with him (a form of introjection).
The empathic person does not use the anger. He/she is more concerned that his baser sensibilities will be discovered. From numerous conversations and my own experience, I know that empathic people often show behavior in this case that completely contradicts the actual feelings. He/she pretends to be particularly obliging and understanding because of his guilt. Associated with this is also the stress response Fawning to which I also refer in the book Exit Gaslighting in detail.
In psychoanalysis, this mechanism is called the reaction formation called reaction formation. In order to maintain the illusion of his security-based view of himself and the world, the empathic person begins to become (unconsciously) inauthentic. He wants to live truthfulness and unconditionality, but behaves exactly the opposite (towards himself).
The empathic person always puts a part of himself into this inner box. Perhaps he, too, occasionally feels a low rumble when he experiences too much anger and frustration after sustained consideration, self-sacrifice, and being there for others. However, this is quickly replaced by fear.
Another example:
Stefanie and Viktor are in the swimming pool together. Viktor finds pleasure in looking at other women in their bikinis and also shows no inclination to hide his interest. Stefanie speaks to him about it. Viktor reacts angrily: “I’m just a man, I can’t help it. You always get in line! If you want to ruin my day, you’re on the right track!“. He turns away and is silent, closing his eyes and locking out. Stefanie is hurt – but also very angry. In her anger, she leaves the shared berth and goes to the kiosk. Then panic and confusion rise in her. Is Viktor perhaps right? Is he now thinking about breaking up? The thought of having to do without him scares her. She comes to the conclusion that she is actually glad to have Viktor as a boyfriend. At the kiosk she buys him a portion of fries and goes back to the square. She is unsettled as she hands Viktor the fries. When he smiles at her and thanks her, Stefanie’s world is all right again. The fact that Viktor continues to look for other women no longer appeals to her. Their anger ends up in the box. Perhaps you recognize the connection to the initial example of the little girl here?
The next day, Stefanie tells her friend Sabine about the incident. Sabine reports that her boyfriend Ralf behaved similarly the day before yesterday at the lake. She then angrily packed her things and went to a friend’s house, with whom she spent the rest of the day. She had not contacted Ralf again. It was up to him to think about what he actually wanted. She said she was too good for that. If he clearly commits himself to her, one can see further. But maybe he’s just not ready for a committed relationship and that’s just the way it is.
Stefanie and Sabine have experienced similar situations. Due to her empathic imprinting, Stefanie automatically repressed her anger because the thought of losing Viktor scared her (= conflict). Sabine, on the other hand, whistles at Ralf because she has left room for her anger and understood its message.
Conclusion | How empathic people relate
The empathic person has access their inner box as well. They can find the way when they stop rejecting that voice and their feelings. When they begin to integrate the part that is encapsulated within them, they can also change their external reality.
When the small, inner narcissist is healthily integrated, they no longer need to seek this part outside themselves. They would not feel attracted or allow such influences in because they could then set healthy boundaries and let go, assisted by this integration. With intuition complemented by anger, they could assess their interests and determine whether the other person is truly capable of loving them.
The first step on the path to love may first be accomplished inwardly for the empathically sensitive person.
Exactly for this, I wish you a clear, powerful decision, confidence, trust, and the courage to take the first steps—towards yourself.
All love,
Your Kristina
