TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
16. November 2021
Narcissistic people often appear outwardly self-centered, reckless, and cold. In relationships, partners have to deal with a lack of understanding, empathy, and devaluation. However, also in other toxic relationships, manipulative energies can be present, as seen in Gaslighting or ghosting.
A narcissistic person always focuses and acts out of their subjective reality. They do not seem to succeed in taking on perspectives or showing empathy. In a relationship with a narcissistic person, confusion, anger, sadness, fear, and lack of clarification are common. The defense mechanisms of people with narcissistic conditioning run on autopilot. Getting through them or gaining understanding does not seem possible.
Whether in partnerships or the family, relationship partners of narcissistic people in this destructive dynamic often lack healthy boundaries. Without understanding what is actually happening, they suffer to the point of exhaustion and frequently lose sight of themselves. Self-worth and self-love hardly seem to exist anymore. Experiences in toxic relationships often feel like a dead end.
But there is another way. There’s a path of valuable growth impulses that emerge from such dynamics. Many of them can be found for free in my blog section:
From my own experience, I can tell how bad things can get in and after such a relationship. Having been in such a constellation three times, I am still dealing with this issue in my family of origin. Such a relationship constellation can also knock off those people who have been firmly grounded before. My coaching offer for Toxic Relationships is designed to understand, reconnect with yourself, regain stability and learn from these experiences.
Each coaching session is based on a profound professional knowledge & shaped by personal experience. Even though I´ll be pretty clear in assisting you to detach from self-harming behavior, you can be sure: I can feel you! You won’t hear any derogatory or incomprehensible remarks from me—I know how it is.
These toxic forms of relationships often lead to an immense personal crisis. The growth triggers that such a crisis can enable can be understood, retrieved, and used for one’s personal development. Because—such a crisis enhances the signals of our own soul. They become louder and more clear. We can choose to listen. That’s exactly what I did and continue to do to this day. That’s what I want to invite you to: to listen to what your innermost being wants to tell you. If you decide to walk with me, we will enter the mirror process.
The coaching is directed towards one goal: learning to listen. Not you listening to me, but you listening to yourself. The focus is on all messages that arise—those that serve the evolution of your personality and soul.
Every toxic relationship has its roots within ourselves. There exists an unhealthy, unwholesome relationship inside oneself. While working through your inner universe, we try to identify any inner toxic elements that may be present, such as unresolved feelings of shame, guilt, or fear, misprogramming, and many more. The inner radiates and manifests in the outside (hermetic laws).
Let’s listen inwardly. Let’s decouple that.
Together we can find ways out of the empathic-narcissistic drama cycle.
Towards self-responsibility and -empowerment. I will provide extensive knowledge and we will work out strategies. With these tools you will be able to find your own way out of the toxic dynamic.
Prerequisite: A real yes to yourself and willingness to take responsibility . Below you will find a checklist to find out whether my coaching in the area of toxic relationships is suitable for you.
A toxic relationship can push you to the brink of what is bearable. The emotional abysses swirl around like a washing machine. Clarity? No way! Apart from all the emotions and the perceived lack of support, one feels shocked and shaken to the core. The world – and oneself – seems to be in shambles. Does that sound familiar?
I have been in three toxic relationships. Even my psychological education couldn’t save me from this. Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about this dynamic, navigated through it, and undergone processes toward my personal freedom and new, healthy relationships. So – seriously – I know how you feel.
As in the Japanese tradition of Kintsugi, the goal is to reassemble the fragments of one’s self. This is primarily a process of leveraging experiences because they have something to say. The mirror process of the inner universe serves us on this path. I look forward to accompanying you in this process.
You can learn more about my own processes and my being & working here:
A toxic relationship doesn’t just appear in our lives, despite what many people may claim. This contradicts the law of attraction (see hermetic laws) and leads to the misconception that this has nothing to do with us. This stands in contrast to the recognized concept of collusion as described by Jürg Willi, which I explained in detail in my blog articles.
This attitude is harmful in many ways. It reflects a widespread, simplified externalization: a person is labeled as the perpetrator, while it places one in the role of a victim—convinced that “there’s nothing that can be done.” It’s a black-and-white way of thinking. The problem is that this mindset opens up a new drama triangle. Very few people seem to be aware of that. A Drama Triangle is always destructive and prevents the reflection and transformation of one’s own parts. You can find a (german) video about the Drama-triangle here and may use auto-generated subtitles:
In the victim mindset, the world becomes a collection of fearsome enemies, who can be easily sketched and identified with a wary eye. Tense and on constant alert, the gaze is focused outward—instead of turning inward. There, fear waits to be transformed into courage. As rage longs for transformation into clarity. Grief and pain seek acceptance and integration so that moving on becomes possible. That a freer life can be achieved. That’s when my coaching can step in and unfold its processes.
Recently, the coaching and consulting field has been booming in the area of toxic relationships. While many people are working with heart and soul and have good intentions, I’ve increasingly observed attitudes & practices that concern me, because they keep the cycle of blaming & judging (thus the toxic dynamics) alive. It´s about you evolving now!
Therefore, I offer coachings only for individuals who feel comfortable within the framework outlined here. The following checklist will help you determine whether coaching with me in the field of toxic relationships is suitable or unsuitable for you.
1. Willingness to take responsibility for one’s own role in this relationship
2. Recognition that narcissistic experiences and behaviors often stem from developmental trauma
3. Ability to distinguish narcissism from psychopathy
4. Given the ability to recognize narcissistic behaviors clear choice for…
5. Willingness to focus on oneself amidst change
6. Willingness to let go of the repetitive, destructive struggle of needing to be right
7. Willingness to step out of the victim role
8. Recognition of one’s own suffering as a wake-up call for change, introspection, and transformation
1. Seeing responsibility for the events in the relationship as solely on the other person
2. Labeling someone as “the narcissist” or making generalizations and devaluations without recognizing nuances
3. Undifferentiated labeling of harmful behavior as “narcissism” without acknowledging other possible concepts, explanations, and underlying motives
4. Reacting to the black-and-white nature of the relationship (good vs. evil) with echo narcissism (see point 1)
5. Focusing on an external evil world where others are expected to change
6. Insisting on being right and needing to prove something to the other person
7. Identifying with the role of a helpless victim
8. Suppressing, repressing, or failing to take responsibility for one’s own wounds (from this relationship)
If you are still not sure, the following video (in German) can help you clarify. You may use auto-generated subtitles in english. In this video I address the current trend in the coaching field and discuss the harmful & destructive consequences and take a clear stance on this matter.
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Freieres Leben and psySOULogy provide coaching, counseling, courses, and publications outside the legally defined medical profession. The services and offerings of Freieres Leben and psySOULogy focus on personality development and are intended exclusively for individuals who do not suffer from any mental illness as defined in current classification systems.
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